Idriss, you used so many details that I could really picture what it was like in the dark room. I like how you added the sound that the computer made and told us how you felt. I was so relieved when you could finally fall asleep at the end of your story! Well done. Mrs. M.
Idriss, I am really impressed by the way you had your story structured. Starting with a quick overview then moving into details while leaving the most interesting and exiting fact to end, to attract the reader to finish reading your story. I am a big fun of stories with a happy end. Idriss, your story is quit scary but had a happy sleep at the end.
The title is very important and should tel the story in few words. The shorter is the better. Good job, Idriss, in making it a two words title "The Computer". However, one more word would have added more suspense "The Scary Computer".
Thanks for sharing your story Idriss and very good job. Keep it up.
Excellent job Idriss. This is the best short story I have ever read. What I liked the most is that you added one more person to your story who is your little brother. A story with just one person is less attractive.
Idriss, I like your story. I expected it to be short from a 1st grader, but it was long. I really liked the Sound effect as well. That was kind of funny.
Idriss, you used so many details that I could really picture what it was like in the dark room. I like how you added the sound that the computer made and told us how you felt. I was so relieved when you could finally fall asleep at the end of your story! Well done. Mrs. M.
ReplyDeleteIdriss, I am really impressed by the way you had your story structured. Starting with a quick overview then moving into details while leaving the most interesting and exiting fact to end, to attract the reader to finish reading your story.
ReplyDeleteI am a big fun of stories with a happy end. Idriss, your story is quit scary but had a happy sleep at the end.
The title is very important and should tel the story in few words. The shorter is the better. Good job, Idriss, in making it a two words title "The Computer". However, one more word would have added more suspense "The Scary Computer".
Thanks for sharing your story Idriss and very good job. Keep it up.
Abdesslam - Idriss's Dad.
Excellent job Idriss. This is the best short story I have ever read. What I liked the most is that you added one more person to your story who is your little brother. A story with just one person is less attractive.
ReplyDeleteLooking forward to more of your stories Idriss
Amel – Idriss’s Mom
Idriss, I like your story. I expected it to be short from a 1st grader, but it was long. I really liked the Sound effect as well. That was kind of funny.
ReplyDeleteYour Brother - Wassim